I've been having a hard time with...well...time.
And like the seasons that come and go, my little guy's 'seasons' seem to cycling far more quickly than I'm comfortable with. He seems so much older these days and as I watched him getting a book the other night, I noticed where the top of his head came up to the dresser.
Did I shrink all of these clothes that I've washed and dried a hundred times or could it be that he just grew half an inch over night?
And a week ago yesterday...my grandmother passed away.
I knew this was coming and still wasn't prepared for...letting go.
A deep sense of relief for her peace mixed with an urgency to sift through the memory bank of my mind. Her face, the way she talked and laughed. I clearly remembered her kitchen -- that was everything Nan, and the way she loved with her hands.
Meat pies, partridge berry jam, bread, buns and muffins. Oh and don't forget Nan's pickles.
The smells, the tastes, the coming together at Christmas with family or summer vacation...all now just memories.
I have a hard time with letting go...of these moments that my heart is so immersed in.
Minutes turn into days, turn into months, turning into years. Where honestly is the time going?
And it's never the obvious big moments.
It's the small and subtle, day to day, not so obvious, sometimes mundane, that slowly begin to weave the most beautiful tapestry you've ever laid eyes on. Your life....and theirs.
I can't help and think that a year from now, we'll be in this exact same season again, and you my little boy, will be so different.
I grieved looking through these photos when I realized that there will come a day when you no longer fit in the sled, dad no longer pulling you...that you're already so heavy for me to carry, and everything is changing so quickly before my eyes.
So pay attention.
Linger and love every minute of all the seasons.
What could be more important than giving this moment all of your attention?
It's all we have.
And all we'll have left to remember...
...Rest in peace Nan. Thanks for all the wonderful memories. You are forever in my heart.